Albert Schweitzer once said, “I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.”
This caught my attention as my 22nd anniversary is coming up. I think both of us and those around us would definitely say we are happily married. In reflecting on this I considered the link between happiness and serving.
What would we tell people who are newly married or working on their marriage? There are the tips like we always kiss each other goodbye if we are leaving even if it is just to run to the store or drop a kid off here or there, and we try to talk even if just for a couple minutes during the day. Sure we don’t always get what we want. Life gets overwhelming and we can’t get everything done or spend enough time together, yet we treat each other with respect and honor using patience and kind words. We’ve struggled through some tough things, like enormous job demands, infertility and the loss of six of our children before they were born. Yet overall, I agree with Schweitzer, the willingness to serve each other has brought happiness.
It is heart breaking and awful when marriages fall short of dreams for varied reasons. Yet, I’ve also heard of so many marriages lately where one or both people have decided they are not “happy.” Unfortunately, some of these people think if they are no longer married to the person they are with they will "magically" have freedom and find happiness. However, consider Galatians 5:13, “For you have been called to live in freedom- not freedom to satisfy your sinful nature, but freedom to serve one another in love.”
Gary Smalley in his book I Promise: How 5 Commitments Determine the Destiny of Your Marriage confesses to learning late that he had spent his life trying to seek pleasure for himself regardless of the feelings or needs of others around him. When he started to shift his thinking on this, like how he could serve his wife instead of what he could get or his right to have things his way, his marriage changed dramatically.
Jesus is a model of serving, but it also takes knowing what our spouse’s needs truly are so we can be of helpful service, instead of missing the mark. Dr. Smalley suggests “promise your mate that you will make it your project to know his or her needs and dreams, and that you will dedicate yourself to meeting those needs and making those dreams come true.” Understanding that there are limits in relationships that involve abuse or control, he contends that in most marriages serving in this way will make you happier than you have been before.
What are the other four commitments or promises he suggests? Conform your beliefs to God’s truths, stay connected to God as the one who provides for your needs (not looking to your spouse to meet all your needs), find God’s best in every trial, and listen and communicate in love. Which to me sounds once again like things come back to the wisdom Jesus shared that we should be all about loving God and loving others. What do you think?
Artwork: Jaycee -thanks for the inspiration for this artwork during Peace Seeker's Pictionary this morning.
:)
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